Stuck

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When You lead me through a world that is not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone...

11 days ago we kissed and said goodbye to Olivia. It seems like yesterday, and an eternity ago. The hurt and pain continue to be paralyzing. My days are consumed with mindless activities to keep me busy, interrupted by bursts of sobbing and screaming silence.

How strange is it that the world continues to move. People go to work, have birthday parties, complain about the weather, and keep living their lives. But of course they would. Why wouldn't they continue to live?

They live on Planet Earth. I live on Planet I Lost My Child.

Me, and a handful of people, are the ones whose worlds have turned upside down. In a split second my life went from perfect, to a nightmare. From a happy family of three, to the empty arms of a Mom and Dad.

I feel stuck.

I'm not the same person I was 12 days ago. Yet I can't go back to who I was before Olivia. I am changed. I grieve for Olivia and the life we were suppose to have with her.  I don't know how to live in this new normal.

I cry out to God asking for comfort. I yell at Him and ask Him why. At times I feel Him and hear him so clearly. Other times I feel so alone.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Oh how my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed.

Please continue to pray for me and Josh. That we continue to survive each moment, hour, and day.