Sunday, February 16, 2014


It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that is not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone...

11 days ago we kissed and said goodbye to Olivia. It seems like yesterday, and an eternity ago. The hurt and pain continue to be paralyzing. My days are consumed with mindless activities to keep me busy, interrupted by bursts of sobbing and screaming silence.

How strange is it that the world continues to move. People go to work, have birthday parties, complain about the weather, and keep living their lives. But of course they would. Why wouldn't they continue to live?

They live on Planet Earth. I live on Planet I Lost My Child.

Me, and a handful of people, are the ones whose worlds have turned upside down. In a split second my life went from perfect, to a nightmare. From a happy family of three, to the empty arms of a Mom and Dad.

I feel stuck.

I'm not the same person I was 12 days ago. Yet I can't go back to who I was before Olivia. I am changed. I grieve for Olivia and the life we were suppose to have with her.  I don't know how to live in this new normal.

I cry out to God asking for comfort. I yell at Him and ask Him why. At times I feel Him and hear him so clearly. Other times I feel so alone.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

Oh how my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed.

Please continue to pray for me and Josh. That we continue to survive each moment, hour, and day.


  1. Praying for you two!

  2. Your writing is beautiful... Probably because your heart is beautiful. Much love to you, Alex.

  3. I am praying so often for you. You have our love and prayers.

  4. I think about you both daily and I pray for you too. I can never know the hurt you feel as a parent, but as an aunt, my heart breaks for you both. I wonder how a broken heart can truly ever heal - perhaps not without a deep scar. Keep sharing and talking about it - you may find peace in knowing that your journey can bring comfort to another who is also feeling your pain. XO

  5. No one should ever have to live on Planet I Lost My Child. How maddening it must be for you to watch everyone around you continue with their lives and yet you are "stuck" in this hell hole of grief.

    Still thinking about you guys and praying for you all.

  6. praying so hard for you. im begging God to give you some relief.