These past several weeks have been the hardest of my life. The amount of pain and sorrow I feel continue to take my breath away. The sadness is so deep people can't even imagine. It is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I could blame it all on God. Point the finger and demand a reason why. Despite the desire to accuse God of this sorrow, despite my heart aching in pain and anger, my soul screams that that is not the God I know.
The God I know is loving. The God I know is good. The God I know does not take away babies or give people illness. He is a comforter, a protector, and healer. He cries with me, as he knows the pain of losing a child too.
Living in this world we are told that pain and sorrow will touch our lives. Not if, but when.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
We all have our own storms. Unfaithful spouses, infertility, loss, disease. But what do you do when that storm comes? Do you rely on yourself, trying to outrun the rain or keep your head above water? Or do you draw close to God, who has a big 'ole umbrella to protect you?
Olivia. Cancer. This is my storm. This is my pain. This is the valley that I will walk through.
And I am hunkered down next to God, trying to squeeze as closely to Him as possible. Holding on by a thread, scared of what may happen if I let go. Knowing the only thing that keeps me going each day is hope in Him. Hope that He isn't done with me yet. Hope in knowing I'll be with my sweet Olivia one day, forever.
I'll remember the suffering that your LOVE put you through,
And I will walk through the valley, if you want me to.