You guys. We have a rainbow coming. It is not here yet; it's still just a glimmer in the distance. But each week it is gradually coming closer, becoming clearer and more vibrant. With its presence comes hope.
I am pregnant.
We have known for several months and have been very guarded with sharing the news, although now it is impossible to hide. While we are so thrilled, we do not go into this pregnancy naive. We know things can go wrong, which makes the excitement seem overshadowed by concern. Yes, I am happy to be pregnant, but I can't seem to celebrate until I have a crying, wiggling baby in my arms.
I have been hesitant how to announce this pregnancy for several reasons. First, my longing for Olivia is in no way affected by this baby. I would be devastated for people to think anything could replace our sweet girl. I would give anything to have her here, being the amazing big sister I know she would be. I suppose I have an irrational fear that once people know I'm pregnant, Olivia will be forgotten. And that is the worst possible thing in the world.
Secondly, since losing Olivia I have been honored to meet some wonderful mommies who share my pain. Who understand the devastating loss of a child. And who also know the bittersweet jealously of pregnancy announcements and "welcome baby" updates. While we would never want anyone to experience our pain, it is hard to scroll through Facebook seeing whole families, wondering why that couldn't be us as well. So, to you mommies, I love you. I think of you every day. And my heart continues to hurt with you.
Like any pregnancy, you may have some questions. So here are the basics:
- The baby is due June 13th. That makes me 24 weeks tomorrow.
-We've had several ultrasounds which confirm it is a healthy baby boy.
-We aren't announcing a name until Little Man gets here, not that we have decided on anything though.
We are over the moon in love with him. At every ultrasound he has been a squirmy, goofy dude who has crazy long fingers and toes like his daddy and big sister. My heart aches to meet him and introduce him to you.
Thank you for following along and loving our little family.