On one hand, I am being overwhelmed with everything going on. I'm frustrated, disappointed, sad, mad, and completely done.
Dealing with Olivia's death would be enough for anyone. Add cancer to the mix, along with not being able to talk or breathe normally from surgery, and it becomes downright depressing. I'm unable to work, talk on the phone, or even exercise because it feels like I'm breathing through a straw. And now that I'm on this stupid diet to prepare for radiation, I can't even have a freaking brownie.
But God doesn't promise us health. He doesn't promise us big happy families. He doesn't promise tomorrow. He promises us something greater.
Jesus. An eternity of joy, peace, and love.
And that is enough.
But how do I believe this and live this hard life as well? How do I hold on to the joy of Jesus but deal with the heartache of this world?
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
I don't why understand everything in my life is happening. It all seems like a complete mess. But God doesn't see it that way. He has overcome this world. He has won. I must cling to the knowledge that he is God and that he will make good of it all.
I am to merely trust and be still.
I pray that each day I reset my thoughts, words and actions towards Him. That I see my life through God's eyes. I pray that I have joy through all the blessings He has given me, which are quite a lot. And I pray that despite being unsure of everything, that I can be at peace and know that He is in control.
Everything is going to be okay.