"It's not good news."
That is what our doctor said as he walked into the room on Monday.
I can still hear him so clearly like he is standing right beside me. It made my heart stop then; it makes my heart stop even now.
As compassionate and gentle as he was, the word "cancer" is never easy to hear.
I remember intentionally reminding myself that I needed to breath. I needed to focus on what he was saying so I could remember it later. I had to think clearly so I could express my concerns and ask questions.
But I broke down when he told me that the baby should be completely healthy and unaffected.
And for me? I think I'll be okay too.
Papillary Thyroid Cancer. A term I had never heard of before that day.
Prognosis is good but being pregnant complicates things. Treatment is removal of the thyroid, but being 26 weeks pregnant that might not be an option right now. Surgery may have to wait until a few weeks after Baby Girl arrives.
Next would be radioactive iodine treatments to kill any remaining thyroid cells that might have spread.
This would mean no breastfeeding and no contact with Baby Girl in the days I'm taking the treatment. It may seem crazy, but those are the things that concern me the most. Those precious moments I won't get back. That bond between baby and mommy that breastfeeding provides.
The emotion comes in waves, alternating with periods of numbness.
I am thankful for the amazing support system I have in friends and family, for the countless people lifting us up in prayer.
I am thankful that God is constant.
I am thankful that Josh has been a rock. That he has cried with me, has been strong for me, and seems to know the exact words I need to hear.
Please pray that I find comfort and peace in God. Pray that the cancer is contained in my thyroid and it has not spread to my lymph nodes or anywhere else in my body. Please pray that I will not need iodine treatments.
Pray that God completely heals me.